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Four Ahwatukee Women Took My 28-Day Challenge and Succeeded
-January 31, 2012- 

On Feb. 1, 2011 four women decided to try the 28 Day Challenge (see January 2011 Ask Mikey's column, "A 28-Day Challenge that could change your life and the lives of those around you") and their lives have changed ever since.

It all started with one woman named Patty.

Patty read the article and thought that she would give the challenge a try because there were a few changes she wanted to make in her own life. So she decided her challenge would be to give up all sugar and to exercise more.

"The first day of my challenge was the hardest because anyone that knows me knows how much I love sugar and sweets," Patty said.

With giving up all sugar, she also added giving up all desserts in general. One year later, Patty has lost a total of 22 1/2 pounds, started swimming again when she hasn't been able to swim at all for the last 2 1/2 years, and stated that she hasn't felt this good in years.

"This is the longest I've ever tried anything and I'm succeeding. The challenge gave me hope," she said.

Once Patty started noticing all of the positive changes she was making in her own life, she decided to pay it forward and tell three of her friends about her success, and they decided to try it.

Katrina agreed to try the 28 Day Challenge to switch to all organic food. Upon switching, she said she started feeling lighter, so she then began to exercise more, and started taking the stairs instead of the elevator. She said she felt as if she cleaned her body out by making the switch, and this ex-athlete got her drive back. Her new challenge for the upcoming year is to want to be fit enough to be able to travel to New Zealand in 2013, and to be in such good shape to do all of their outdoor activities. So far, Katrina has lost a total of 35 pounds by following her challenge.

Sandra heard from Dr. Oz that it is good for your body if you drink hot lemon water every day, so for her challenge she chose to drink a cup of hot lemon water each day. She does this first thing each morning and says she feels better, and that her health has improved and she now has better balance, can touch her toes, and is more active each day. Sandra has lost a total of 20 pounds by just making a few changes in her life.

Marsha chose a different challenge from the rest of the group last year. She decided that she wanted to work on her business every day for at least 15 minutes. This year, her goal is to walk at least a mile every day and to continue the challenge. By being a part of this group Marsha says she feels more motivated because she has positive support and is thankful that Patty shared the article with her so that she could join in the challenge.

These four women gave the challenge a try and lasted well beyond the 28 days, one year to be exact ... and counting.

"It is like a snowball effect," they said. "You start doing one challenge and then you have more energy and drive to make it lead into other changes, such as taking the stairs instead of the elevator. We all took baby steps, but a year later we keep adding small changes here and there, and we all notice a huge difference."

Patty, Katrina, Sandra and Marsha are proof that anyone can try the 28-Day Challenge and succeed, whether you want to improve your health, finish projects you started but have yet to finish, quit smoking, quit drinking, go back to school, church or even spend more time with your family - no matter what changes you want to make in your life, the challenge can help you achieve your goals. This is not a diet but, better yet, a mindset that you can teach yourself to focus on one thing in your life that you would like to improve on for 28 days straight. After the 28 days, you will realize that you can continue your challenge for another 28 days, or perhaps start a new challenge.

The 28-Day Challenge was written to challenge the members of our community to break a bad habit, or to develop a positive new one. Since last year had 28 days in February, the challenge was perfect to try for the whole month of February. This year, February has 29 days so consider the extra day to be a bonus day for your challenge!

Good luck with all of your personal goals this year, and if you have any success stories from the 28-Day Challenge, please feel free to share them by emailing myaskmikey@yahoo.com.

A special thanks to Patty, Katrina, Sandra and Marsha for coming forward with their success stories. Each of you is a positive inspiration to our community!

How to Celebrate Christmas on a Budget

-December 11, 2011- 

Dear Mikey,

I have three kids, ages 6, 8 and 11, with my wonderful wife who I have been married to for 16 years. Our family really gets into the holiday spirit every Christmas with the tree we usually buy, decorations we put up around the house, presents we buy, cookies we bake together as a family, and even the Christmas cards we mail out.

However, this year, my wife's hours were reduced to only 20 a week and I was forced to take a 10 percent pay cut, as well as a reduction in my hours at work also. In other words, our finances are not going to allow us to do all of the things this year we have had a tradition of doing during Christmas for the past several years. Yet, I don't have the heart to tell my wife and kids that we may not be able to afford a tree this year, or mail out Christmas cards, or some of the other fun things we like to do as a family during this special time of year.

Any advice on what I could do or how I could tell them?

Scotty B.

--Dear Scotty B.,

I am very sorry to hear about your financial setback this year. The economy has affected many households, and I fear that many will be struggling throughout the Christmas holiday this year because of it. However, that doesn't mean that you still can't give your family a great Christmas this year like you have the years before. It just means that you might have to make a few changes to how you celebrate this year.

For example, depending on the kind of tree you buy each year, perhaps this Christmas you can find a cheaper-priced tree, get a smaller one, or compare prices to see if a fake tree can be a cheaper way to go. If you do decide to go with the fake tree instead of a real one, think of it as getting more for your money because the fake tree will last for years so your money is going a little farther.

When sending out Christmas cards, ask yourself how you have been doing it over the years. Do you take a picture and then get multiple copies made to stick inside cards that you buy separately?

This year, maybe you can buy Christmas cards at the dollar store instead of where you normally go, and then for the picture part you can take a family picture and scan copies yourself to include for an insert. You still have to buy postage and the photo paper, but at least you can save money from having services make copies of the picture for you, as well as getting your cards done at a store that will most likely cost you more in the end.

If you are low on decorations, instead of going out to buy some more, make it a family activity to create new decorations on your own. You could even play Christmas music in the background, and by making a small trip to the dollar store, you can buy colored paper, stencils, glitter, string, ribbon and other creative supplies to make your own decorations together as a family. For example, you can buy paper lanterns and paint them with green or red paint and put them on your front or back porch and it will look like you have floating tree ornaments hanging outside. They are operated on batteries, and you can buy the batteries, lanterns, and even watercolor paints all at the dollar store. You can even buy Epsom salt (also from the dollar store) and sprinkle with glue on old wine bottles or jars and put them around your house to make them look like frosted decorations. You and your family can get creative with decorating ideas and by doing it yourselves, can save lots of money and create fun memories with your kids, while spending time with your family all at once!

As for the cookies, you can wait to buy the pre-made brands when they are on sale, or it might be cheaper to bake the cookies from scratch instead. The kids would probably have more fun baking them from scratch.

You can even get really creative with this idea and just make different holiday cookies like dipping a Ritz cracker in melted baker's chocolate and sprinkling crushed peppermint candy pieces on top of each chocolate-covered Ritz, then placing them in the fridge for a very delicious treat!

These are just a few suggestions, and no one is saying that these have to be permanent changes to how you and your family celebrate Christmas every year. Maybe this will be what can get you through this particular Christmas since your budget has slightly changed, and then by this time next year you will be back to your normal Christmas traditions on your normal budget.

I hope some of these ideas give you some peace of mind that you don't have to tell your wife and kids that you can't have a great Christmas this year because of a tighter budget. Instead, you can tell them you are just going to do things a little differently this year, and have your money go farther by doing lots of fun activities together as a family.

I hope this helps, and I hope that you and your family have a very Merry Christmas, and may the new year bring you all great happiness.

Stay true to yourself when making important life decisions

-November 9, 2011-

Dear Mikey,

I have been working at a job for about eight months now and I was unemployed before this job for about a year-and-a-half. I am glad that I have found work again but I have a few issues with my current job.

At about the third month I started noticing things about the job that I did not like. It was more than the typical working eight hours a day sort of complaint, but more along the lines of the people there are doing things that go against my moral standards. I don't like how they treat other people and I don't like how they treat me.

But, on the other hand, I know that I cannot quit unless I find a new job because of how the economy is. I do not enjoy the job anymore, and how they treat me and other people there is really starting to bother me now. Do I quit or wait until I find something else?

Please help!

-J.J.S.

Dear J.J.S.,

I can understand your frustration because in one sense you are trying to stick to your moral standards, but at the same time the job seems to be something that you need financially right now (or else you probably would have already left). However, you should never, ever work somewhere that goes against your own moral standards. No job should ever change you as a person, or even your beliefs, unless it is a positive change. If this job is causing this much inner turmoil then it does not sound like the right job for you. Although the decision in the end is truly yours, you are the one that has to live with your own decisions at the end of the day.

I can offer you a few suggestions. You can try to wait until you find another job by applying and networking, and if you get a new job then you can put in your two weeks notice. This way you are ending on a good note with them, can still put them down as references in the future, and you are not losing any income.

Another suggestion is communicating with them. Do you think that if you talked to them about the situation that it would make the situation better or worse? Be careful with this one because you don't want to make it worse to where they treat you worse than they did before, and you also don't want to get terminated at the same time for bringing this up.

All in all, if this job and the people that work there are going against everything you stand for then I would suggest getting out of there. Perhaps you can get a couple part-time jobs, or night jobs at restaurants, or even clean houses or house sit in the meantime in order to make ends meet until you can find a more stable form of employment again. At least that can buy you some time just in case you can't take it anymore and decide you just have to get out of there ASAP for your own mental sanity.

Always remember that no job is ever worth going against your own personal morals or should make you feel uncomfortable by doing something that is asked of you. A work environment should be a respectful environment, and if your employer is not willing to fix the problems or issues you have voiced to them then it may be time to just move on. Life is too short to be working somewhere that makes you miserable. No amount of money will ever be worth sacrificing your own personal moral standards, as well as risking your health from all of the stress that it may be causing.

Whatever you decide, make sure you have your friends and family there for you to give you some positive support. Best bet is to go with your instinct and stay true to yourself.

Good luck with your decision and know that things will get better soon.

What is it going to take to keep our students safe?

-October 5, 2011-

Wouldn't it be nice to have a guarantee that every single car that passes by a school will be going no faster than 15 mph? Or that every driver that passes through a crosswalk would actually be focused on driving and not texting, packing their kid's lunch, or messing around with the radio? Or that no one would ever pass in the school zone, and that every single car will stop whenever the crossing guard puts up the stop sign?

Wow, what a great world that would be to live in.

Unfortunately, we do not live in a perfect world. Obviously, everyone knows that who experiences school zones on a daily basis. Chances are, you yourself have witnessed a texter through the crosswalk, a speeder, or someone who blows past the crossing guard with their sign up. In just one school zone, at least one of these things happens nearly twice a day because people are neglecting to pay attention to their surroundings.

What's sad to think about is that if everyone just did their part, and decided to pay 100 percent attention to driving only, we could make a perfect school zone day actually happen. Better yet, if we all worked together as a community, we could have an actual perfect school zone week, maybe even month. It is not just a dream. We could all make it a reality if we were on the same page. It is hard to do when there are some drivers out there who are being responsible, paying attention, and actually care about the pedestrians and school zone rules. And then there are those who don't care about any of that.

What is it going to take? Is it going to take someone getting hit by a car for all of us to learn this valuable lesson? Why can't we prevent this before it happens? What happens if a child gets hit due to a driver's neglect of paying attention? What if it were your child? If you were one of the drivers not paying attention, and your child was hit by another car, would that make you finally change your ways? Why does it have to come to that?

In a perfect world everyone would be respecting the rules because they actually wanted to, not because they had to, and because they care about all the children in our community. That perfect world is attainable if we all just work together as a community and hold ourselves, and each other, accountable for our actions.

If you are one of the drivers that does not pay attention, what will make you change your ways? And will it be too late once you have finally learned this valuable lesson that life is very precious, and that in a single second you could take someone's life away because you were in too much of a hurry to pay attention to get to wherever you needed to go? I guarantee you will realize that that place was not worth speeding to get to if you caused a tragic accident.

For those out there that do pay attention, follow the school zone rules, and look out for pedestrians and children, thank you so very much. Crossing guards do notice you, and we are very thankful and appreciate that you are a responsible driver. Your actions never go unnoticed and we hope that more drivers could follow your example.

Don't let this tough economy bring you down

-September 28, 2011-

Dear Mikey,

I lost my job eight months ago and I have a wife and a daughter to try and take care of. My wife and I have been married for three years now, but together for five total, and our daughter is just 4 months old.

Before I married my wife, I promised her with all of my heart that I would always take good care of her and our children. I wanted to give her that guarantee so she would never have to worry about finances as long as we were married.

With this economy, I feel like I have broken my promise to her. I have applied everywhere and although I have gotten a few interviews, it seems hopeless and like no one is going to hire me. I feel like I am not the same man who married her and she deserves to be taken care of.

I don't know what to do and I am afraid that I am going to lose her although she always tells me she is not going anywhere. I am very disappointed in myself. Any advice you can give me would be very helpful.

-G. Anonymous

Dear G. Anonymous,

You sound like you care about your family very much and that is very admirable. The fact that your wife is reassuring you that she is not going to go anywhere means that she is trying to give you that security.

I am sure she can tell that you have been down on yourself lately and she wants you to know that she is not going anywhere despite the situation you guys are in. She sounds like a very understanding person.

The economy has taken a toll on various households in our community. The key in trying to beat the economy stresses is to try and stay as positive as you possibly can, and to be persistent in your job searches and follow ups.

Use every interview as a resource, even if you don't get picked for the job, you can at least use the interview as practice for the next one. If you don't get the job, keep trying to apply to other places. In some cases, you may even be able to ask the person that interviewed you why they didn't choose you for the position.

It may not even have anything to do with you at all, but perhaps budget cuts are the reason why they didn't hire you, for example.

Network with every single person that you know. Your neighbor might have a friend that has a friend whose boss is looking for another assistant, etc.

The more you network, the more chances you have of getting your name out there and your foot in a door.

Don't let the economy bring you down. Remember that you are fighting to keep you, your daughter, and your wife afloat, so don't let the economy take that away from you. Take any job that you can get, even if the pay is not what you are looking for, hours, etc.

At least something is better than nothing. And when you find that job you were looking for to begin with then at least you were helping your family out in the meantime.

Aside from being persistent with your job search, you can still show your wife that you have kept your promise of taking care of her by telling her you love her, hugging her, listening to her, etc. There are plenty of things you guys can do as a family for cheap if you cannot afford to go out.

Don't let this economy bring you down. You have a wife and a daughter that obviously love you dearly and are not going anywhere. They are obviously not disappointed in you, so being disappointed in yourself is not going to solve anything.

Remember that it is not you, it is the economy. If it was just you, then why are thousands of other families struggling out there as well? You only live once, so don't let the economy make you feel disappointed in yourself, for this is time you are wasting on something negative. Time that you will never be able to get back.

Instead, fight back and beat the economy with persistence, positivity, networking and a little faith, and I guarantee you that things will get better for you sooner than you know it.

There is No Such Thing as a Lost Cause
-August 22, 2011-

There are three different types of people in the community right now; those that have been affected by the economy, those that have not been affected by the economy, or those that are living half and half.

For the portion that has been affected, chances are you have either been laid off, had a reduction of hours or salary, faced or went through with a bankruptcy, foreclosure, collections, or even repossession. You have probably felt the weight of the economy in the most stressful ways, had to sell items to make your mortgage or rent, or have even had to work second or third part time and full time jobs if you have been fortunate enough to find them just to try and make ends meet. You are struggling to do whatever you can to keep you and your family afloat just trying to make it through this rough patch, longing for the day when things will get better. Perhaps you have applied to practically every job in the state, unfortunately as well as your neighbor has, so you are getting rejection letters or the same old response of “Thank you for applying, however the position has been filled,” notices. The fact that you feel discouraged and stressed all the time and worry about the future on a daily basis is an understatement. You are not alone because several other people are in the same boat as you are in right now.

For the portion that have not been affected, you are very lucky and hopefully you have found the kindness in your heart to do whatever you may be able to do to help others that are struggling. Whether it is to help a friend get into your workplace so they too can have income like you, or have donated some food or money for those that need it right now. Any and all help for others is deeply needed right now and greatly appreciated by the community. Despite the recession, you are the lucky one who has not lost any hours, been laid off, lost your house, faced foreclosure, had to have your car repossessed, or had to file bankruptcy. You and your family are doing just fine as if the economy never turned bad and food is on the table every night. If this is you, you are very fortunate.

For the rest who have been affected half and half, you probably have the hardest hit out of all three types. This type is for those who have one spouse that has been affected and one who has not been affected as bad. One spouse may have been laid off but was able to find another job with average pay while the other spouse was laid off and has not been able to find work in several months. The reason why this one is the hardest is simply because the spouse that is still working is trying to keep everyone else in the household positive, work extra hours if possible, and to help lift the other’s spouse’s spirits up as they continue their job search. It is difficult for the family as a whole because not only did the family go from two incomes to suddenly one, but one spouse has to be the strength of the whole family to keep everyone positive, while the other spouse keeps getting rejected, and denied application after application. It can take a negative toll on everybody because one family member’s pain affects every single person in the household.

Times are hard for everyone right now. It’s either you are going through the stress of the economy firsthand, or you are at least watching someone else that you care about go through this difficult time. No matter which it is it’s going to take a powerful negative toll on either and all parties. If you are watching someone you care about go through this difficult time and they are struggling, although you may try to help them out with bills, etc. you still see them suffer, and then you feel helpless as if you want to do more but you can’t.

What’s worse, is if there is a situation out there where one spouse is just giving up on the other spouse because they cannot find employment in this tough economy, or their finances are falling apart so bad that they are putting it in between their marriage.

This is not a time to fall apart and let things like being jobless or be at a financial struggle tear a relationship, a marriage or even a friendship apart. We all need each other’s support right now more than ever. Don’t give up on each other just because there is a temporary struggle going on right now, because in the end we will be what get’s the other person out of this situation-not the success of the stock market going up, gas prices going down, or food prices going down. It is all of us supporting each other and being there for each other every step of the way. Don’t give up on your spouse, your neighbor, your friend, or your family member. You will regret it one day if you do, for they will always remember who was always there for them through thick and thin and who just gave up on them.

There is no such thing as a lost cause. Don’t give up on each other.

The truth about honesty

-July 28, 2011-

It is so much easier to tell the truth than it is to lie to someone. Every time you are asked about what may have happened you will always have the same story because that is how you remember how it happened because it actually, honestly happened that way. If you lie, you are constantly forcing yourself to have to make mental notes about what lie you told to whom, and you will always turn yourself in towards the end because you can't remember the original story you told, sort of like when you used to play the telephone game.

Yet, why is it that people think it is much easier and better to lie than to tell the truth?

When someone knows the truth, no matter if it hurts, at least they can depend on the fact that it's true. The truth shows that you value and have respect for other people around you and that you are treating others the way you wish to be treated - in an honest way.

Lying just hurts others around you and who you care about the most. You have to ask yourself about what the consequences will be when you lie to someone. Is it really worth it to hurt the person that you love the most? To have others disappointed in you who may have looked up to you? It's never worth hurting anyone over a lie you may have told, when you could have easily just told the truth up front. Lying also shows your true character, especially if you never confess your lie. Which one do you think is worse? Lying and confessing about it? Or lying and confessing once someone caught you and confronted you about it? How about not lying at all, and then you will never have to answer that one.

Surely, the truth can hurt at times, especially when it is about something that we didn't want to hear or even know, however, we can rest easy knowing that despite it may have hurt at least we know it's the truth. People who tell the truth also appreciate when other people tell them the truth as well.

There is no reason to ever lie to anyone at any time. Would you want someone lying to you? If not, then what is the point of lying to someone else? Be an example for others and tell the truth, not half of the time or 75 percent of the time, all of the time. It's easier, people will respect you more, and you will still be able to look at yourself in the mirror at the end of the day. The truth about honesty is: To live your life in an honest way. You won't regret if you lived your life in pure honesty. Now, if you lived your life in dishonesty, you are surely to regret that and all those you hurt one day. Make the right choice and choose the honest way.

How fulfilling is your timeline?

-June 22, 2011-  

We live our lives day to day as if our time is going to be infinite. At times we feel like we are never going to run out of time, yet how do we know when our time is really up? That's just it. We don't.

We all have a time clock on our lives that is unique to our own individual life. We go through experiences that maybe our neighbor has never been through and vice versa. With that being said, it also goes to show that we all go through life stages at different times than others such as graduating college, getting married, raising a family, moving to a new state and so on.

Have you ever noticed that when a person is laid to rest, their headstone has the date they were born, a dash, and a date that they passed away? A wise friend once told me that what matters is not how long that timeframe is between the two dates, but how well they lived their life during the "dash" that counts the most. What a great way to look at life. It doesn't matter how long a person lived but how much of an impact they made on others through the time they were alive. The dash represents how full we lived our lives.

Think of a timeline of historical events. You have the start date, then a timeline of events leading up to the end date. For each year in between, for the most part, there is a significant event that happened and a mini story to describe the event on the timeline. Now correlate that with your own life. Think of what your life timeline would look like. Would it have long gaps in between years where you may not have lived life to the fullest? Or would there be a significant event to timeline each of the years in your life?

Timelines representing our lives are not just about significant events like getting married, graduating college, etc., but also the little things that can mean just as much or even more as the big things. For example, maybe the year you met your spouse was the same year you went on a Mission to help the needy in another country. Or maybe the same year you graduated college was the same year you started a foundation that raised enough money to provide school supplies to parentless children.

Everyone has a timeline of life events that is unique, personal and special to them in their own individual way. No two life timelines are exactly the same out there. The question is, if you reflected back on your timeline of events in your life up to this point, what would yours look like? Would you have long gaps in between and just have the basic events or would you have lots in between with events such as helping others, making a difference, or even showing kindness to someone else?

Although you may think that the "small" events above are not really significant events to include on your life timeline, somewhere out there, to someone, somehow, they disagree with you. For they know what you did for them qualifies to be included on your timeline because of the impact you have left with them.

No event is ever too small to include on your life timeline if it involves helping other people. Those are the events that will make your life timeline more meaningful in the end, when you look back one day and reflect to see how well you lived during the "dash."

Take the time to be inspired

-May 16, 2011- 

When was the last time you sat on your patio with a hot cup of tea and just watched the clouds move across the sky? Or curled up below a tree only to read an inspiring book that made you want to become a better person? When was the last time you came across a quote that you read from a newspaper, or your child's English paper, or even from an advertisement or movie that made you just stop and think about it for a moment?

Tiny moments or little "time-outs" like these are very relaxing and can remind us all of the truly wonderful things in life that are surrounding us even when we don't look up and see them in our busy day-to-day lives. It can remind us that we don't need significant life events to be the only outlet we have to be inspired but that we can find inspiration in the little things that are all around us.

We can get inspiration from a variety of sources; from nature, materialistic things, books, people we know and even people we don't know. For example, all of the men and women that serve in the armed forces inspire others with their bravery, sacrifice, loyalty, courage and honor. People who we read about in the local newspaper that did something truly inspiring in the community whether they are famous, well known, or someone we have never heard of before can inspire us.

Aside from the little things that can bring some inspiration to our lives, we can also be inspired by the people around us. Perhaps you know someone in your life that inspires you for their courage or bravery, or because they work hard and don't ever give up when the going gets tough. Maybe the way they live their life has inspired you to do better and be better in yours.

Surround yourself around whatever works for you that helps you to be inspired. Being inspired is a good thing, and we can never get too much of a little inspiration in our lives.

If you have someone that is inspirational in your life, honor that person by visiting my website at www.myaskmikey.com and click on the "contact Mikey" link or send me an email at myaskmikey@yahoo.com and tell me about that person in your life that inspires you for a chance to have them featured in next month's edition of Ask Mikey.

Who’s keeping score in your life?

-April 12, 2011-

In the world of sports someone always has to keep score. At the end of the game someone always has to tally up how many assists the point guard made, how many strikeouts the pitcher threw, and how many fights a single hockey player got in. People have been keeping score for decades; it's just the "sport's lovers" way on how to do things.

Yesterday I was at the park and I saw a teen do a very admirable thing. She and her friend were walking around the park and she happened to pass by some trash that was on the ground. It was not hers and no one asked her to but she just happily picked up trash and threw it in the garbage. Just like that. No one asked her to, and no one was watching her to give her an award, she just went ahead and did it.

I am sure you are thinking big deal right? People pick up trash all the time. Don't they? Well it got me thinking, how many times has she done that? How much trash in the world has been picked up because of her? How many other people out there have been in my position that have witnessed her pick up trash to where it influenced them to be more like her and to follow in her footsteps and do the same thing?

What a ripple effect she has started and she doesn't even know what her impact was on others.

It reminds us that just because we think no one is watching us, that doesn't mean that no one is noticing what we are doing. That goes for all of the good things we are doing and all of the bad. Regardless, we should do good things like she did because we care about our planet and actually want to pick up the trash; not because we think there will be a reward waiting for us after we do it, or to get credit or recognition. For those are all of the wrong reasons as to why we should do good deeds.

Stop and reflect on your daily life for a minute. How many times do you do a good deed in a day? A week? How often have you given money or time to helping the homeless? When was the last time you picked up a piece of random trash? How often do you help kids or the elderly?

We have to be responsible for keeping a tally of our own daily actions for if we don't keep a tally on ourselves who else will?

Keeping score of our daily good deeds is just as important as keeping a tally of the points we scored in the championship game. In addition, it is also just as important to keep a tally of all the mistakes or bad deeds we may have done just like the errors in any game because, in the end, we have to hold ourselves accountable for our actions if we are ever going to try and improve.

If someone was keeping score of your life, what section would your tally marks most likely be in? What section would you want them to be in? I know if I was keeping score of that teen's life I would give her a tally for the trash, and another tally for the ripple effect she started.


Sometimes we have to adjust our focus

-March 5, 2011-

Everyday we are faced with obvious things that we put on our priority list. For example, going grocery shopping, going to work, doing laundry, a dentist appointment, going to the gym and so on. At the end of the day, we figure out that for the most part we did everything that was on our "To Do" list when we realize that we forgot about a few things, like calling our friend post interview to see how it went because the night before you talked with them and they were so nervous. What about attending your nephew's soccer game, where you promised that you would be standing on the sidelines cheering him on? Or even just saying "I love you" to your spouse before you both started your day that morning? Why do we forget the things that should be more important than those that we actually remember?

It is so easy to remember the things we feel like we have to do, such as the errands, appointments or the commitments that we feel like we cannot live without keeping. We remember them the most because they are the most obvious, the everyday ones, and that is what we focus our attention on day in and day out. However, by doing that, we have trained our minds to just follow our repetitive patterns and hardly introduce any new things to focus on.

When did we start focusing on the things that were the most obvious and convenient and forgetting about the more important things that affect the people that we love the most?

No one has the right to look at your life and tell you that the things you spend the most time on are just the obvious and unimportant ones, or even the right and significant ones that will matter the most in the end, except for you. You have to be the one that decides for yourself if doing your laundry at 5 p.m. was more important than cheering on your nephew on the sidelines for his soccer game. Or if your 7 p.m. date with The Bachelor was more important than calling your friend for support post job interview. Or even if your date with the gym had to be scheduled before you got to see your husband and tell him that you loved him this morning.

You have to see, feel in your heart, and just know what will matter the most in the end. Do you really think that your nephew will look back one day and say, "Well, my Aunt couldn't attend my soccer game that day, but man could she fold a mean load of clothes." Or will your husband really say, "Well, she didn't have time to say ‘I love you' to me because she had to go to the gym right away," or even "My friend never called me to comfort me post interview, but she was very knowledgeable about what was happening on The Bachelor."

What are you spending your time on? Things that matter the most in the end, or things that just temporarily matter? Think about it.

A 28-day challenge that could change your life and the lives of those around you

-February 2011-

I am sure we can all agree that each and every one of us can make some changes in our lives to become a better person, a better student, parent, sibling, spouse and community member. Perhaps you have been wanting to break some habits you feel you have that may be preventing you from becoming your best self, but you don't know where to start to kick the habit. So you have put off improving yourself for the better for weeks, maybe months, perhaps you have been trying to change for years. Well, if you are sick of talking the talk, then join the community in a 28-day challenge to finally walk your talk.

They say that it takes 28 days to break a bad habit. Well I challenge you to take a 28-day challenge during the month of February. In other words, for the entire month of February you have to challenge yourself to kick a habit that you don't like about yourself. If you can't think of a habit you would like to kick, then you can still participate in the challenge by doing something for the community everyday for the month of February.

So, for example, if you are trying to lose weight for your New Year's resolution, but still find yourself reaching for the chip bag every afternoon, or parking as close as you possibly can to the grocery store, for the entire month of February your challenge will be to park far away from the grocery store to get more exercise, or to replace your daily chip bag with a daily piece of fruit. If you have a bad habit of not calling people back, then your challenge for the month is to call each and every person who calls you back in a timely matter. If you are a procrastinator student, always turning your homework in late, your challenge will be to turn every single paper in on time during the month of February.

If you are feeling pretty fortunate that you don't have any bad habits you would like to kick, then I challenge you to do at least one kind deed for somebody else in the community everyday for 28 days straight in February: You can pick up trash around your neighborhood, donate money to the homeless, open the door for a stranger, help a neighbor, help a handicapped person bring their groceries to their car, etc. If you need ideas for kind deeds, visit www.myaskmikey.com.

Who knows, maybe after the 28 days you will feel so good about all of the positive changes you have made in your life, and the lives around you, that you will want to continue beyond the 28 days.

It’s all about perspective

-January 9, 2011-

Ah, 2011. Some see it as a fresh start, a chance to start over, and the year to make things happen. Whether your resolutions include weight loss, going back to school, joining a church, becoming a better person, being more involved in your community, or even to just not make the same mistakes you may have made in 2010, you are on a great path already.

The key to reaching your goals and keeping true to your resolutions is to stay positive. There are going to be times when you just don't feel like going to the gym throughout the year. Does that mean you should give up on your resolution? Absolutely not!

Instead of getting discouraged handle it this way: "I don't feel like going to the gym, but I wouldn't mind going out for a nice walk or riding my bike to the movie theater instead."

If your resolution was to return back to school this year, are you going to give up if the school of your choice is too expensive or you didn't get accepted? Of course not! There are plenty of other options out there for you such as cheaper schools, scholarships, grants, tuition reimbursements and more.

What about if you accidentally repeated a mistake you made in 2010 that you swore to yourself you would never make again? Whether it was in regards to finances, relationships or maybe even friendships? Are you just going to throw your resolutions out the window? No.

Instead, just keep teaching yourself that it was a mistake, that you are human, and that at least you are getting better at catching yourself early on. We all make mistakes so we can learn from them, and although the trick is to not repeat them year after year, eventually you will realize that you are learning and you won't make the same ones anymore. In fact, you will probably make different ones!

If we never made mistakes we would never make any progress or learn in our lives. The important thing is that you are catching yourself when you are making the mistake, and that you are learning from it, so in time you won't make that mistake anymore.

With all of these scenarios of course anyone can get discouraged if they haven't lost their 30-pound goal that they wanted to lose overnight. Or not get enrolled to the first school of their choice. Or if they couldn't help but make the same mistake they made the previous year.

Sometimes we are going to get disappointed because the things we wanted in the time frame we wanted may not always work out. But that doesn't mean that is the end of the line for us. That just means that there is something better for us that lies ahead.

You may not lose 30 pounds overnight like you planned, but you can probably lose a few pounds a week and meet your goal weight in a matter of months. You may not get the first school of your choice, but maybe the third school that you got accepted to works out better with your work schedule or family life. You may make the same mistake again within the month of January this year, but maybe by March when you were about to do it again, you caught yourself this time beforehand and prevented it from happening again.

It is all about your perspective. Stay positive this year and don't get discouraged if you have a rocky start to your 2011 New Year's resolutions. Just know that deep down inside of you, you want to reach your goals bad enough, so you have the will power in you to do so. By staying positive and having a more optimistic perspective, you will be successful with all of your resolutions this year.

You are already changing your perspective if this column caught your eye and you are reading it.

Spend This Christmas With Loved Ones in Your Life

-December 22, 2010-  

At this time of year, we often find ourselves reflecting on our lives and the year's events along with our accomplishments and struggles.

But why do we reflect?

Perhaps it is so we can set some new goals for the upcoming year or even to make sure we don't repeat some mistakes. Whatever the reason may be, reflecting can be a great way to acknowledge where your life has been, where it is going, and where the areas are where you would like to make some changes or improvements.

But the holiday season also is about the present and spending time with loved ones. Christmas is just around the corner and it is a great time to appreciate the fact that we are blessed to be able to celebrate with our family, recognizing there are some who may not be as blessed this year.

Some family members may be overseas protecting our country and as a result may not be able to celebrate the Christmas season this year with their family. Others may have family members who are sick or in the hospital. Others may be separated by states, countries or job restrictions that won't allow them to spend time with their family this year.

If you are blessed to be able to spend Christmas with each and every one of your family members this year, cherish every moment of it. Spend every second making yummy holiday treats, singing carols together by the warm fire, wrapping presents for each other and, overall, creating wonderful memories. For memories are the greatest gift anyone can ever give or receive, and gifts such as memories are guaranteed to last forever.

Enjoy the holiday season this year with you and your family. Have a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year!

Don't Ever Let Anyone Change Who You Are
-November 2010-

You are the only person that should have the power to change yourself. So why is it that we let others influence us? Why do we hang around people that try and change who we are? Are we afraid that if we don't let them influence us, that we are going to lose them as a friend or a part of our lives forever? You are asking all of the wrong questions. Instead, you should be asking yourself why you are trying to please someone or win over someone's friendship that is probably not looking out for your best interest in the first place.

In life we need to be responsible for the person that we are whether that is a good person or a bad person. Anyone has the power to improve themselves at any time in their life, but only if they make a choice to do so. If our lives are going down the wrong path, then we need to take responsibility and own up to the fact that it was the decisions that we made that led us up to this point in our lives. On the other hand, if our life is going down the right path then we need to acknowledge that we are responsible for that based on the good decisions we made.

If we ever let anyone influence how we live our lives, it should only be our higher power or only people that are positive influences in our life. It should be the type of person that will give us advice on what's best for us and not what they want us to do for their own personal gain. Positive people we should have in our life also include people that look out for our safety, our health and our overall well being. They should encourage us to go after our goals and dreams, to do the right thing at all times, every time, to have manners and respect for others, be examples of how others should show kindness to others themselves, practice what they preach and to make us want to be a better person.

These positive people won't spend all of their time trying to change who you are as a person, but instead provide you with the knowledge that you realize you have a choice as to whether or not you want to improve yourself for the better. Everyone can improve in areas in their life in a positive way, so these positive people are great and even healthy to have in your life.

Don't ever let anyone ever try to change who you are. If you made the responsible choice a long time ago to not drink, smoke or do drugs, for example, why would you want to have people in your life that try and tell you on a constant daily basis that there is something wrong with you for your choice? Instead, you have to realize that if they were really your true friend, they would be taking after your example and would be proud to be your friend because they would admire your decision, strength and resistance to peer pressure.

Negative people in your life are just always going to hold you back from living up to your greatest potential. Keep positive and optimistic people around in your life and never let anyone change who you are as a person. You are a unique person that has a lot of goodness to offer the world. Don't let someone distort your way of how you see yourself just because they are trying to get what they want. You have a greater destiny than that and you just need to stay focused on your path and eventually you will fulfill your destiny one day if you stay true to yourself. You are you for a reason and your higher power had big plans for you. Don't let negative people influence or rub off their bad ways on you. Instead influence or rub some of your goodness on them. You may not know what your higher purpose or destiny is yet, but I know it's going to be great and it's going to make a difference in this world. Just wait.

The Impact of Empathy
-October 2010- 

Empathy. The word that has the power for us to put ourselves in another person's shoes to try and understand how they are feeling. The act of empathy goes further than just being considerate of other people because it allows us to figure out what we can do to better the other person's situation.

Empathy is a part of life and very well should be because it can have an inspirational impact on others in our community. For example, the other day I was driving home and noticed in the far right lane a man in a SUV ran out of gas. He had three people that came out from across the street to help push his car to the nearest gas station. It may seem like no big deal to everyone else, but those three people who came out to help him did not have to do that. The point is they wanted to. Who knows, that guy who ran out of gas could have had a terrible day, been struggling for a while financially (hence running out of gas) and may have been suffering from health or relationship issues. The fact that those three other people volunteered to help get his car and him to safety is very moving because it is a great example of being considerate for other people, as well as feeling empathy toward someone other than ourselves.

Little things like this can really change another person's perspective on life, how they view others, and maybe even how they view themselves. When we all have our bad days, the day feels even worse when we feel like we are dealing with it alone. But when someone comes along and takes the time to try and understand how we are feeling, or get involved to find ways to better our situation, and show empathy toward us, the bad day can instantly turn into a great day.

Times may be hard right now for everyone, but it should never ruin our morals, character, values, how we view others in our community, or how we all should still want to help other people - even the rest of the world. Tough times should strengthen us all and bring us all closer in the end because we can help each other get through the rough times, so one day when all of this is over, we can be friends and share the good times together.

Knowing that there are people like the three who helped the guy in our community makes me proud to be a resident here. Many thanks go out to those three guys who helped push the car out of the road for they were a great example of how we can all express empathy towards one another. No empathy ever goes unnoticed. Someone always notices a good deed, especially the person who is receiving it.

Things Always Work Themselves Out in the End
-August 2010-

Homes are being foreclosed on. Jobs that used to always be around are now vanishing. Loans are harder to get now more than ever. The economy has hit all of us in one way or another. Times have changed and we have all had to makes changes in our lives, make adjustments in some ways. Some adjustments were hard, like having to sell our dream homes or watch our cars get repossessed. Other areas we had to cut back in was eating out, going to weekly movies and deciphering what our needs are compared to what our wants are. For a lot of us we got bombarded with difficult times all at once. Not only did we lose our job, which led to the loss of our house, and eventually our vehicle, but then it affected our health because we were so stressed out. To make matters worse, we are now struggling to pay our child's college tuition this year. Does this sound like how your year has gone so far?

At the time when we are going through these struggles we always seem to look up and just sarcastically ask "What's next? What did I do to deserve this? Am I getting punished for something?" What we don't realize is that while we are going through these struggles the courses of our lives are changing for the better. After all, the only direction we can go in after we have hit rock bottom is up, right?

We all believe in something, whether it's God, other religious figures or even the healing power of an Oreo cookie. The point is whatever higher power you believe in, understand that they are transforming your life right now. Know that you aren't struggling because you deserve it, are getting punished for something you did, or that your higher power does not like you all of a sudden because that is not true. Even you know that sounds foolish. Things happen for a reason and difficult times help define our character and make us into who we are as people. Although we may not realize it while we are going through difficult and trying times, know that one day when you look back at everything that happened in your life that you will then understand.

When you think that things just couldn't get any worse for you, just know that when you least expect it, your life will start improving before you know it. Sometimes going through struggles is good for us because it allows us to get rid of what is in our life that is bad for us or that may leave a negative impact. It's extremely hard while you are going through difficult times to see the positive side, but just know that everything will always work out for you in the end.

You may not understand why it happened the way it did but one day, looking back, you'll realize that your higher power did what was best for you, you just couldn't see it at the time.


Don't Waste Time on Things You Can't Control

-July 2010-

Have you ever spent so much time worrying about something that in the end was something you realized you never really had any control over to begin with? To where you did everything in your power to make the situation different? Sacrificed your time? Stayed up late thinking about how to solve the situation? Lost sleep over stressing about it? Nowadays, I am pretty sure we can all say that we have done that a few more times than just once.

It’s funny how it takes us making a lot of mistakes in order to learn about what to do in life and even what not to do. We think that we can just take a situation and put our own personal spin on it to either change the way it is going or the outcome it was headed toward and make our own outcome that we feel is best. On the contrary, we never had control over it to begin with, so I guess the joke is really on us in the end.

It’s like when you get your car washed and waxed to give you some extra luck for that fancy job interview and then you watch the rain come pouring down as you’re on your way to your interview. You get frustrated because now you feel like you’re not going to do well at the interview when in all actuality did you really ever have any control over the rain that came pouring down? Absolutely not. However, you still let it affect your attitude. So now if you don’t get the job you’re going to blame it on Mother Nature when the reason why you didn’t get the job is because of how you handled your reaction to the situation. You can’t control the rain when it comes pouring down but you can control the way you react to the rain.

It is going to rain a lot more in your life than you would like it to as you travel on in your path. Instead of worrying about whether or not it’s going to rain or pour, you can get a lot further and accomplish more if you just worry over things you do have control over. By worrying about the rain (something you have no control over) you’re just going to cause an even bigger storm to hit.

Life is not always going to be about sunshine and cascading rays through the beautiful clouds, so once you learn to accept that, even though you may not like the rain, at least now you can be better prepared for when it does come unexpectedly — like the unexpected bill, the pay cut, or the flat tire you will most likely get in the future. Who knows maybe you will be so prepared and only worried about the things you do have control over, to where you won’t even notice when it is pouring rain outside anymore.

Sometimes What You Are Looking For is Right Where You Left It

-June 4, 2010- 

There are times when we may not feel as though our lives are going in the direction we had hoped. We may have had a door close for us, so we went through an open one that did not lead us where we thought it would.

So, we make some changes.

Some people use this as an opportunity to change jobs, lifestyles or where they live. With change comes a new hope. For some, that is the road that leads up the corporate ladder or a higher educational degree or, for some, it's the road to their special someone.

Then, there are times when our lives are going just fine, but we think the grass may be greener on the other side. Since we cannot see what is on the other side of that fence, we remain curious and always imagine how amazing it must be over there even though it isn't any better than the life we already have.

There may be times in our lives where our curiosity led us down the path to where we jumped over that fence. At first everything was incredible, but as time went on, we realized that we were missing some aspects in our lives that we truly needed and wanted ... some aspects that we may have even had before we let our curiosity get to the best of us.

Leaps are good to take in life as long as we don't lose what we already have even if that sometimes doesn't appear to be all that good. We may not realize it, but sometimes when we feel like our lives are not going well, we will one day look back and realize how happy we actually were.

Sometimes everything that we may have been looking for our whole lives can be right where we left it, right where we originally started - on our side of the fence.

 

Optimism: The Time is Now

-May 2010-

Obviously, the economy has been trying for almost everyone. We have tried to not let it get us down, but it has been pretty hard. We all admit we have had our days dealing with how it has affected our wallets, our relationships, and even our health. What if we were looking at this situation wrong the entire time?

There is no doubt that we all have learned something from this economy. Some may have learned lessons about how important it is to save money, while others have learned how important family is. Instead of looking at this situation as a negative one due to things we may have lost, such as homes, jobs or vehicles, maybe we should instead look at what we have all gained from this experience.

Aside from knowledge, did you ever think about courage? I mean if you can get through this economy and all of the struggles you have just gone through up to this point, just think of how you will always be able to handle the future.

You have also gained opportunity.  If there aren’t any jobs out there then why don’t you create your own job?  Think about it. What has always stopped you from doing this in the past? You probably either did not have time because of your full-time job or you were afraid to take the risk. You have no idea where your new business opportunity could take you. You could start something that this economy desperately needs to where you may even be able to create job opportunities for others. Isn’t the possibility of helping other people worth the risk of trying? The worst that could happen is that your idea does not work and you continue looking for a job, just like you were doing before. The only difference is now you can say that you gave your idea a try.

As hard as it may seem at times, try to be optimistic. Although you may have lost your house due to foreclosure or a job you have been at for more than 15 years, see it not as harsh but instead say, “I am thankful for all of the people that I met that were there to support me … my family is stronger now because we all stuck together through all of these struggles … a door closed at the place where I was working, which means there is something else that I am supposed to be doing … and I may have lost my house, but my family and I can make our apartment our new home because we are all still together.”

Everything happens for a reason, and the time to create our own opportunities is now, as long as we all stay positive and try to see everything optimistically. Life is too short. The only person holding you back from creating opportunities for yourself is yourself. You don’t want to look back one day and regret never giving your idea a try. You never know what doors you can open for yourself or your community by doing so.

The difference paying it forward can make

Last weekend my friends and I were on our way up to Show Low for a wedding. My friend wanted a coffee from Starbucks so we stopped there for her to get something along the way. She ordered and when the lady gave us her coffee at the drive-thru window she went to pay and the lady said, “There is no charge for the coffee today. The lady in front of you that just left paid for the next four customers.” My friend was of course ecstatic, but it got me really thinking about the true affect “paying it forward” can really have on other people that goes way beyond just coffee.

I am sure everyone has heard of the “Pay It Forward” challenges that Oprah has been getting people to do and our Starbucks experience may have been a part of that. Although it may have seemed like it was just about getting a coffee that day, it was so much more than that. The lady in front of us had kids in her car. Yes, it could have been a project given to the kids by their school and so the parent could have just been fulfilling what the project called for. Or, maybe the parent wanted to be an example for her kids to show them about doing nice things for others and not getting any credit for it. She could have also been a struggling single parent and despite all of the struggles that she may have been going through still wanted to do something nice for someone else. The possibilities are endless because we will never know what her reasons were for doing what she did because she drove off and obviously did not want any credit for it. She truly did a good deed.

People nowadays don’t realize the effects that their actions can have on other people. They don’t realize how much holding a door open for someone else can truly really mean to that person. Or when someone is struggling, and a friend comes along and pays a bill for them to try and help them out. Just the fact that the friend took some weight off of their shoulders makes them able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Situations occur like this every single day. We are all witnesses to it. At some point or another in our life we were struggling with something as well – whether it was finances, relationships, family issues, health, you name it, we have all experienced some sort of struggle in our lives. And eventually we all somehow made it through our time of struggle. What we should remember from those experiences is the fact that we made it through to the other side and we are now stronger for going through what we went through. We also need to remember the people who were there for us who were trying to help us find our way and get through the situation. Their good deeds should make us realize that we are obligated and should feel willingly to be obligated to someone else who needs our help just like how we needed help at the time.

Just think about it for a second. Think about how far the art of truly “paying it forward” can go. All the lady did was buy my friend a coffee. When we got back from our trip, my friend and her husband saw a broken down vehicle pulled off to the side of the road and noticed that there were people in it. They pulled off to the side to see if the broken down vehicle needed help, and discovered that there was a mother and her two kids in the car. The mother said her car broke down and she was completely broke and had no money to fix it or get it towed. It was raining and when they asked where she was headed she told my friends that her husband was being abusive so she took her two kids in the car, left him, and was trying to head out to a family member’s house to get her kids out of the negative situation. In light of my friend receiving her free coffee, they decided to pay it forward and had the lady’s car towed to another friend’s garage who could fix her car for free. My friends also gave the mother some cash and gave them all a ride to get the mother and kids out of the rain and off the side of the road. The mother was so thankful and was in a situation where she obviously needed some help. Although she and my friends did not know each other, they realized that it was just an unwritten common sense rule that if someone is struggling, you do whatever you can to try and help them out. And that is exactly what they did.

The lady from Starbucks may have just bought my friend a coffee but the affect it had on my friend led to my friend helping a total stranger in dire need of help at the time. And I know that once that mother from the side of the road gets back on her feet again, she will return the favor that my friends did for her for someone else who may need help one day.

If you think that this story is pretty powerful and inspiring, think of the little things you could do each day that could start a “Pay it Forward” reaction. Your one good deed could spread to thousands of people if you stop and really think about it. Don’t be afraid to do a good deed for someone else because you think you won’t be able to make a difference. You will make a difference, you just might not be there to see the results of what you started.

 Love is...

February is the universal month known to everyone as the month of “love” – love for your significant other, for your husband, for your wife, boyfriend or girlfriend. But it’s much more than just love for them. It is for ourselves, for all living things, friends, neighbors, our community, schools, co-workers, kids – the sky’s the limit.

Think of someone you know right now that may not have a significant other. Maybe they are a widow? Does that mean that the month of February does not apply to them?

Real love is not just about buying flowers or candy for your spouse or significant other for that one special day of the year. Love is unconditional and does not have an expiration date. It is about being there for other people whether they think they need someone or not. It is about being there for your family members in time of need and all of the times in between. Or listening to your best friend who is crying over a breakup on the phone; comforting your neighbor whose dog they just had to put asleep; visiting someone in the hospital who may be sick or hurt; it’s about loving people you know and even those that you don’t know like the victims of the Haiti earthquake. It’s about loving those who are loved and those that aren’t loved at all. Love is about loving people who have been kind to you and as hard as it may be sometimes, also loving those who have also wronged you. Or loving people who others may think don’t deserve to be loved.

Love is calling your friend daily just to check and see how they are. Why? Because you know that you are the only person that is ever calling them. Love is baking cookies for your neighbor who is also a widow and lonely, and inviting them over for dinner to include them. Love is waiting to make sure the friend you just dropped off gets inside their house safely after a night of fun or studying. It is offering someone a ride home, or calling to check on a friend to see how they are doing after their surgery. When your co-worker just returns to work after taking some time off because they received news that their parent just died, love is inviting them over for dinner and putting a card and nice, fresh flowers on their desk to comfort them in their time of mourning. Love is spending time with a young teen or adult who may be troubled or in need of a role model in their life, to try and be a positive influence and to help them get on the right path. Love is actually being courteous to pedestrians as they cross the street, instead of being impatient and trying to drive through the crosswalk before they cross. It’s about lending a hand in a soup kitchen to help feed the homeless. Love is visiting your long-distance relatives who may not receive too many visitors throughout the year. Love is putting flowers on a loved one’s grave, and love is also putting flowers on a grave of someone that you don’t know, but know that no one ever comes to put flowers there.

Love is not about what you buy someone or how much you spend on their gift. It’s not about if you remembered to give that special someone something on Feb. 14, also known as the actual Valentine’s Day. It’s about what you do all year that shows your love for other people? Your community? Your church? The homeless people living in the same state you live in? Your job? Your household? Your school? People you know? People you don’t know?

Love should be shown all year throughout doing kind and generous actions, and not just on Valentine’s Day. What do you do to show love year-round?

Have you ever noticed that when the new year comes along the gym is jam packed for the first three months? Like before when you wanted to get on a machine it would almost always be available to you, but in January, February, or even March, there is no possible way to even get on the wait list at the gym? What’s funny is everything is back to normal usually by April or May? Why is that?

Why do we make resolutions and stay committed to them for only the first three months of the new year, and then let our resolutions fizzle or slip right through our fingers? Have you ever noticed that people follow this habit every single year? Each year they say, “Starting next year I’m going to do this,” or “I’m going to do that differently.”

Why wait until the new year to make a resolution? Why not make resolutions all year long?

I think people see the new year as a fresh starting point to begin resolutions to break our bad habits. We don’t want to make resolutions during a fiscal year so, instead, we continue our bad habits until the new year comes around. After a few months of trying to break our bad habits, we eventually fall back into our comfort zone?

Why is that? Why can’t we truly keep our resolutions and stay true to ourselves and our inner goals that we have?

I mean, obviously, if every year we all make resolutions to go back to the gym and work out, somewhere deep inside we really do care about our health and our bodies. If we say after the first of the year, “I am going to stop drinking so much” or “I am going to spend more time with my family,” somewhere inside us, whether we want to admit it or not, we really do want to stop drinking, and we really do want to not put in so many hours at work and spend more time with our families at home.

How about this year we try something different? Why not say “These are my resolutions that I am going to work on all year long to make some changes in my life.” Instead of looking at the whole year, why not just take it one day at a time – day resolutions if you will. Each day make resolutions – I am going to walk to work instead of drive today, and when I come home I am going to turn off the computer and spend time with my 5-year-old son.

I think the reason why we cut our resolutions short after about March of each “New Year,” is because we put too much pressure on ourselves. If we just take it one day at a time instead of making these unrealistic year-long goals, we would actually spend more time working on our resolutions than stressing over them. When you stress over the pressure you put on yourself, you are more likely to stop working on your resolutions all together because you will lose interest and motivation.

And 2010 is not just a new year this year – it is the start of a new decade. Leave all of your “New Year’s resolutions lists” in the past, and truly start fresh. Make resolutions but remember it’s the journey it takes for you to reach them and it’s not just about that final destination of 20 pounds just melting away, it’s all of the work that you put in little by little, on a daily basis, that eventually, over time, made the 20 pounds go away.

Just like your 5-year-old son may remember how you were at his birthday party, but what about all of the days in between? He’s going to remember whether or not you were there in between birthdays, as well as at his party. Think about it…

‘Tis the season to give and spend time with loved ones. However, there may be people out there that for whatever reason have to be away from their loved ones this Christmas – whether it is because a war separates them, because someone just recently moved away, or because they don’t have the funds to go visit their family this year because of the economy, you know who these people are in your life. So instead of watching them be alone this holiday season, why not invite them over to join your family for Christmas dinner? Why not ask them to go to a tree-lighting ceremony with you or an after-work cup of coffee and hot chocolate to talk about life?

There are a lot of people that often live their life alone either by choice or by the cards they were dealt. However, no one should have to spend the holiday season alone, especially if they don’t want to. Sometimes things happen that are out of our control, but there are things that we do have control over, like inviting someone over to share the holidays with us. If you know someone who is spending the holidays alone, why not invite them over and you both could do your Christmas cards together? Or listen to holiday music in the background and staying warm by a nice fire in your fireplace while decorating? Or invite them over for family movie night, where you and your family watch a Christmas movie together?

One of the worst feelings for a person is to have to spend the holidays alone when they do not want to. You could make someone’s Christmas by taking matters into your own hands this holiday season and welcoming them into your home to be a part of your Christmas memory this year. By opening your heart to them, you could give them a Christmas they will never forget. Who knows, maybe next year they won’t be alone, and will remember the kindness you offered to them, and they will open their hearts to someone else in need next year. By doing this great deed, you could be starting a “pay it forward” effect that could help many others that are out there and in need of love around the holiday season and even throughout the year.

Why not give a gift that keeps on giving even well after the holiday season is over? Kindness is a lifelong gift that nobody could ever forget.

The holidays are here again and, for the most part, everyone is putting on their happy faces and getting ready to cook for the family like they do every year. It’s great that people put on their kindness hat for the sake of the holidays, but why can’t we treat everyday like a holi-day? Why do we just try and be extra kind, happy and thoughtful just for the holiday season?

There are more regular days than holidays throughout the year and if we are only trying to spread love and kindness for the handful of holidays we celebrate, then what the heck are we doing all of the other days of the year? Isn’t it pointless just to be nice for a certain amount of time, only to turn around and be the complete opposite the rest of the time? Why not keep the momentum going year-round?

Kindness, thoughtfulness, generosity – these are all contagious attributes that we can give to one another whether it’s Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day, Valentine’s Day, or even Thursday. Just think if we were thoughtful and kind to others on more days than just the holidays, what a difference that could make in each and every one of our lives. Instead of just looking forward to the holidays each year, because that is the time when everyone seems to be nice and gets along really well, why don’t we start looking forward to each and every day from now on?

Today is a new day. After today is gone you can never get it back. Don’t look back and regret that you were only nice to others during the holiday season and not every other day during the year. Santa should not be the only one that is held accountable for monitoring you throughout the year to see if you have been good or bad to others. You should be accountable for yourself each and every day of the year, holidays included.

Don’t make your kindness, love and generosity be only limited to the holiday season. Go beyond the holidays. Spread good cheer to all you come across with throughout the whole year. I guarantee that if you do that throughout the whole year the holidays can be even more memorable, because you are taking a part of the holidays and sharing that feeling with the rest of your year and all those that are in your life. And that is worth more than just being nice for a few days out of the year.

Surely you have seen that credit card commercial from TV: “One greeting card from the store, $3. One pen to write your feelings for her on the card, $3.50. The look on her face when she reads the card you gave her – priceless.”

Perhaps maybe there is a deeper meaning that the credit card company wants you to see besides the fact that they want you to use their card, or maybe not, but there is a more unique way to look at that commercial than what meets the eye.

Instead of seeing it as a commercial to spend more money that we don’t have, let’s look at it as the best things in life are the free things in life. When you give someone who is sad a hug, they will always remember how the hug you gave them uplifted their spirits when they were down on that particular day. They will remember that well over who gave them that red shirt for their birthday when they were 12.

There is a saying: “They may not remember what you said to them, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” This saying is very true and often people forget that their actions can speak louder than their words and although words can be harmful, actions can be just as bad. You can make someone feel really good based on your actions to where they will never forget what you did for them. But on the other hand, you may have made someone feel really bad, to where they will never forget the pain you may have caused them.

Instead of spending so much time “spending” on that credit card based on the commercial on needless items, maybe it’s time we start taking a deeper look at a hidden meaning that could be there. Something along the lines of … the best things in life, also known as the free things, like putting a smile on someone else’s face, giving someone a hug who is in desperate need of one, or even holding the door open for someone else … only costs $0 to do. It is free to do something nice for someone else, and the good feeling they will have forever, as well as the look of appreciation on their face, is priceless.

It is not about how much money you spend on a gift for a person, but about how great you can make them feel that is more important.

Each day is a new opportunity for you to do something nice for someone else. Make it a habit to try and do at least one nice thing for another person each day and do it to expect nothing in return – a true and genuine good deed. If everyone did just one nice thing for another person each day, we could probably be living in a whole new and different type of world, couldn’t we?

It's about who you are, not what's in your bank account

It is a shame that there are people out there that judge other people, however we all know everyone does it. We ourselves are most likely guilty of doing it as well, even if we may not realize when we are actually doing it. It is just sad how people judge others based on how much money they make, or the assets they own, or even the car they drive. What happened to the saying of what really counts is what is on the inside?

It is a sure realization that we all need to make money, and we have to budget our lifestyle according to how much money we make. Some make more money than others and tend to live their life differently and like to have new cars, expensive houses, etc. While there are others out there that may make a lot of money, but don’t really like to spend it. Then there’s the third category of those who make very little money and have no choice on how to live their life. There is nothing wrong with any of these. What’s wrong, is how people are treating others who have a different pay scale.

To throw out an example would be a boyfriend and a girlfriend who have been dating for quite some time now. Due to the economy, the girlfriend got laid off. It was not anyone’s fault; she didn’t do anything wrong – it’s just the economy. She is a great girlfriend, a kind and good person, and someone that he can see settling down with. They have a great relationship. What’s noticeable in this case, is instead of the boyfriend being humane and comforting and supporting the girlfriend while she desperately looks for another job, the boyfriend decides to dump her. He decides to throw everything away for the sake of dollar signs – something that is a temporary problem and can be fixed. He immediately replaces the girlfriend with another girl who has a job and carries on with his life.

Hold on a second – yes everyone is fighting for survival, but if you love someone, isn’t it worth trying to push through the struggles with them? The struggles won’t be there forever, as everyone knows that money comes and goes. But giving up on others or treating them different or less of a person because they don’t have a job is immoral. That is just as bad as treating someone different because they are sick or have a disease.

It should not matter how much a person has financially, in order to treat them like a whole person or to be in a relationship with them. Yes, it makes it easy on both parties if both people are working when it comes to living together, having roommates, etc. But it certainly doesn’t make it easier on the person who is struggling to have the other person just give up on them. They are already probably feeling pretty low, and for someone they care about to just leave them behind makes the situation feel even worse for them.

In other words, we have forgotten to love our neighbors for who they are and, instead, have judged them based on their bank account balance instead of their character. Real love, real friendship, real people stick by people even when times are hard. Chances are if you have a good relationship going, it is going to last longer than the economy crisis will. Why mess it up? You have something that may last forever, don’t mess it up by letting an obstacle ruin something great when it is only temporary.

A bank account does not determine a person’s real self worth. You cannot put a price tag on a person’s self worth. Self worth comes from within, and you could have all of the money in the world, but not be a good person and, as a result, not be worth anything to anybody. On the flip side, you can be the brokest person out there and be worth more than a dollar value to everyone’s life that you have touched and have come across with in your life.

What is more important to you?

Don’t be afraid to be yourself

Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to make a good impression on someone?

Whether it was a job interview, a first date, or even being a new student at a new school? Were you ever so nervous that you ended up not really being yourself at all and acted completely out of character instead?

I think that everyone experiences this from time to time. We get wrapped up in the fact of trying to impress someone else that we totally lose sight of just being ourselves. Of course first impressions are important, but if losing sight of who we really are happens in the process, then aren’t we being misleading instead?

Wouldn’t it be better to be real and be yourself than be misleading just to try and impress someone?

When we are not ourselves towards other people we are being misleading. If you think about it, eventually your true self will come out in the open later. You can pretend to be someone else all you want but eventually it will catch up to you and yourself will come out whether you even realize it or not.

Then there are the other times where we are afraid to be ourselves because we feel like others won’t like who we are. We feel like if we act like ourselves we won’t be accepted because we see ourselves as not being good enough in other people’s eyes.

However, who are we to say how other people see us? Why do we care how other people see us?

The only person that has a right to judge us is ourselves. It shouldn’t matter what other people think about us, because that is something that we have no control over. Why stress out over things we cannot control?

The best person in life that you could ever be, is yourself. That is the one impression that everyone will always remember, because every time they see you, you are always comfortable being who you are. People are going to be more impressed if you are yourself, than if you are just trying to be someone that you are not.

Don’t be afraid to be yourself and never lose sight of who you really are, whether if it’s at a job interview, a first date, or being a new student at a new school. People want to remember you for who you are and not who you are pretending to be.

Right now, of all times, it seems as though we can all relate to each other more than we may have ever been able to in the past. It seems like every person that I comes across is going through some sort of struggle right now within their own lives. While some are struggling financially, others are struggling to save their health, while recent college graduates are struggling to find jobs during this economy rut that we are in. Either way you look at it, we are all fighting the same fight. We may not all be struggling in the same area but the feelings we are feeling are shared among many of us right now.

The economy has taken its toll not only on businesses, the housing market, our 401Ks and our stocks and bonds that we have been saving for years, but primarily our insides. We have been stressed out and, more often lately than not, have we been feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and alone. What we do not realize, however, is that we are not alone. In fact we share the same feeling that our neighbor is probably feeling.

How often have you thought that you are the only person in the world that is struggling right now? How often have you thought, "Am I missing something here because my neighbor just bought a car and seems to be doing just fine?" If we stop and think about it, however, we should be very thankful because all of our struggles could be a lot worse than they really are, and that there are people out there that are going through worse things than we are right now.

Let this be a time where we can all reflect on our lives and do good things for other people that may be feeling the same way we are feeling right now. If you know your neighbor just got laid off from his job just like you did, why not invite your neighbor over for dinner and you two can research jobs together so that neither one of you has to do it alone? Or if your friend just had to give up their car because they could not afford the payments anymore, instead of allowing them to walk, why don't you give them a ride, or better yet, save gas and walk with them?

We have forgotten that we are not the only ones on this earth that may be struggling, and we have forgotten the power of comfort. By truly showing someone that they do not have to feel like they have to face a struggle alone can make all the better difference. It may not solve the immediate problem of them finding a job or a place to live, but it can comfort their insides and eventually guide their outsides.

Right now the recession is giving us a ride and instead of just standing there and facing it on your own, why not ride the wave of the recession with someone else? I guarantee you it will make the other person feel better and give them comfort that one day they will overcome their struggles, and that everything will be OK, and it will make you feel good as well.

Tough times are not going to last forever. It defines character and makes you realize what kind of person you are and who you want to become. Instead of facing a challenge alone, why not do it with someone else? You are not only making yourself feel better by doing that, but you are giving another human being a feeling of comfort that they don't have to feel like they have to face their struggles alone anymore. And that is something no recession could ever take away from you.

Throughout our lives we will go through different stages where our lives constantly change. We will have different jobs, be in relationships and friendships with different people, and live in different places. We will also develop new and different interests as well as go through new and different experiences. The one thing that we can always count on, whether we realize it or not, and what will always remain constant is family.

Family is a heartwarming concept that hopefully everyone has the chance to experience in their lifetime. They are there for you no matter how many times you move away, how many times you lose or change jobs, how many break ups you go through, or even how many times you may have fought with them. At the end of the day, family is still family.

During economical times everyone is dealing with like today, family can be the key to get you through the storm and make it out to the other side. Money and jobs and sometimes even people come and go in our lives, however family will still remain.

Even when you try and push your family away they are still there at the end of the day to keep pushing to be back in your life. They do this not to upset you but because they truly and unconditionally love you. We may not understand it at times, and people usually take their actions for granted but in the end family is what truly matters.

Family is there when you're broke and out of a job. They are there when you have no place to live and have lost everything. They are there to give you food when you can't afford any, and even offer you a place to sleep if you don't have a home. They do this even when you feel like you have nothing, just to make sure you know that you still have something-love from them to help you through your struggles. They are still there even when you make mistakes or may have even said or done things that may have hurt them. You can try all you want to push them away from you, but no matter how hard you try they still stand in your corner.

The people we have in our lives are put there for a reason-not to hold us back but to see that we get through.

Each day we are all forced to make choices. Should I eat yogurt for breakfast or scrambled eggs? Should I take the freeway to work or the streets? Should I do my homework or watch a movie instead?

We may not realize it but we make choices everyday on a regular basis whether we realize we do or not. For the most part we make small minimal choices that may or may not have little impact or consequences on how our lives turn out, but what about those really big choices we have to make that will affect us later on?

There are going to be a lot of big choices that we have to make in life that will eventually create the path we will take for our lives. This path or journey that we all travel on will one day be a thing in the past that we will look back on one day as we are reviewing our lives and the choices we have made to get us to where we will be one day. Some will review and be happy while others may look back and regret.

The problem with regretting is we cannot take back certain things we have done that we may not be proud of or happy with the end result. However, some people use that as an excuse to not make amends for their past that they may have created.

All the decisions we make not only impact our lives but the lives of others around us. For example, if someone drinks and then drives and then gets in an accident, the consequences are not just impacting themselves but the other people that they caused an accident with.

Lives collide for a reason and we may never really understand what that reason may be. Whether it's to teach a total stranger a lesson or perhaps even save someone, paths cross for a reason. Wouldn't it be best if when making decisions we take more time to consider all the lives involved besides just thinking about how it would impact ourselves?

There is a saying that Theodore Roosevelt once said, "In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing."

We always seem to think that what we have is not good enough and so we make choices to lose what we currently have only to realize later that we had it all, and by making the choice we made we lost everything that we had that was true. We also seem to have good intentions to always try and do the right thing but since we are all only human it does not always work out that way. In that case are we moral enough to admit to another human being our faults or our apologies for the consequences of our actions that may have affected someone else?

Or are we too afraid and just never admit that we were wrong because we have too much pride?

If you have ever hurt anyone's feelings why not apologize? When making decisions why not try and make the right decision instead of doing what is popular? Why not make good decisions in your life and consider others lives around you so that one day when you look back you will never have regrets?

It takes character, strength and humility to admit that you may have faltered in a decision you may have made, but we are all human and we should all try and be there for each other.

Lives cross paths for a reason. Don't regret the reason but be thankful that the paths crossed.

Our close friends just got married and we have been together for years but are still not married. Most other adults my age already have their college degree and I still don't. My friend already has kids and I am nowhere close to even having kids.

Sound familiar? We all end up comparing ourselves to those around us at least one time or another throughout our lives. As we compare, we degrade ourselves as to why we are not in their position. Why would we compare ourselves to other people and think that we are behind?

Each and every person has their own path that they have to walk. Some people will get married at a certain age, while others may get married later on in life. Kids these days get their college degrees at all different age levels. There is no certain age that if you do not get married by you are considered to be behind, or if you don't get your college degree by a certain date you are not "cool" anymore.

Each person goes through each stage of life on their own terms, according to their own life agenda. There is no wrong or right way to walk your path, only minor detours that we sometimes may take.

If you are anything like me, you start comparing yourself to other people, wondering why they are at a certain stage in their life while you still feel stuck in the one you're in when it comes to your life. That is something we always seem to try and rush when we really shouldn't.

Why do we try and rush ourselves to get to the next stage in life to keep up with everyone else? One day we will have no more experiences to go through anymore, and we'll look back one day and miss the journey we were traveling on to get to the next stage.

Why rush life when it is so short to begin with? Why not take our time and enjoy the years we are not keeping up with other people, because we are content trying to just keep up with ourselves?

Why compare and put that much added pressure on ourselves? There is no reason to, however, we still do it all the time.

Enjoy each journey and stage of life. Some stages might be better and a lot more fun than others, but it is still a stage, a period of time, an experience that belongs to us and us only. What shapes who we are as people today are the experiences we go through and have gone through throughout our life.

Enjoy the time it takes, don't rush the ride but enjoy the journey. Be content with the time it takes for you to get to the next stage in life. Don't worry about what stage your neighbor is in, because I guarantee they are thinking the same thing about you, and wondering how you are at the stage you're at in life and they're not.

We often have these goals and dreams in life that we one day wish to achieve. It is a type of passion that is indescribable for something and it's like we know we want to pursue it even though sometimes we may not understand why.

The passion starts subconsciously when we are young, and develops every year we grow older even when we may not realize it. Pretty soon, we start to research and, perhaps, even tell other people what our ultimate goal is with our passion. As soon as we get to that point, however, we end up being stuck in between dreaming and actually doing.

What is really holding us back?

The answer to that question is ourselves. When you really want something in life you have to be willing to work hard and sometimes even make sacrifices to get what you want.

There is an anonymous quote that says: "In order to get something that you want in life, you have to be willing to do something you have never done to get it."

In other words, we may have to make sacrifices, stay up late at night, trade fun for work in order for us to achieve our ultimate goal. If you really want something you will do the work to get it.

An example is all the students that are working towards college degrees. They know that it will take a lot of hard work, time and dedication, but they are willing to sacrifice that in order to achieve their ultimate goal, which is graduation and earning their degree. It is a choice they make for themselves and they are the ones that put in the work to pursue this achievement.

Many times, however, we will get to the point where we know what we want to do in life that we want to make something of ourselves, and maybe even the necessary steps we have to take in order to get there. The only thing that is holding us back is us. We are the only ones that can tell us that we cannot do something, or that we are not good enough, etc. No one else has the power to tell us that we can't do something.

So why is it we tend to hold ourselves back so often to achieve success?

Fear could be one reason. Are we afraid to be successful? Are we just comfortable how our life is now without achieving our goals? Do we let other people tell us that we can't? If so, then we are putting blockers on our own path in life.

Things do come up in life unexpectedly and, then again, sometimes things go as planned. However, do you think it's possible that obstacles are put on our path for a reason?

In other words, if we wanted to achieve something bad enough, we would figure out a way to get around those obstacles. Obstacles are there to test whether or not you want something bad enough.

People often come up to me and tell me how they want to start their own business, or how they have an invention they want to present to the public one day, etc. After they tell me about their idea, I always tell them they should pursue it. For some reason, at that point, they always give me the same look. It is the look of, "Well I was just saying one day" or "Well it's just an idea, I doubt I can do it."

They were so passionate to tell me and then when I gave them positive feedback it totally threw them off. If you have an idea or have a dream that you would like to pursue one day, why not make that one day today? Your idea could be the next best thing that could benefit the community, offer people more jobs or even motivate other people to follow their dreams.

You have no idea what could happen until you try. Why wait?

Know that you can do anything that you put your mind to. Don't let anyone ever tell you that you can't follow your dream, tell you you're not good enough or that you can't do something. Only you have the power to make those statements about yourself. Only you have the power to make your dreams come true.

If you really want to pursue your dreams you can find a way to overcome the obstacles that get in the way. Never give up, and it's time to start pursuing your dreams. It is never too early or too late to start, for you don't know how much time you have left to fulfill them.

We all have a story to tell. We have all been through breakups, bad experiences, good times and bad times.

The experiences we have all gone through are what have shaped us to who we are today. Although we recognize our experiences that have shaped us, why do we still dwell on our past?

Have you ever caught yourself daydreaming about an event that happened in your past, to where you sit there asking "I wonder what life would be like, if this didn't happen," or "I should have done this differently," or any other question like these?

We tend to do this probably more often than we consciously realize. Whether we admit it or not, our past is very significant to how we live our lives today. It may be the past, but every now and then we still seem to go backwards when we should be concentrating on going forwards.

What eventually happens is we spend so much time going backwards that we almost fall behind on going forwards.

When we dwell on the past, we steal from our future. For each day we dwell on something that happened a long time ago, we lose that much time working to better our lives and ourselves. That is time that we cannot get back.

Since life is so short, why should we postpone our future or even delay our present to dwell on things that we cannot control that happened in the past?

Whatever happened in our past is done and over with. There is nothing that we can physically do to change our past or control what the outcome was.

However, there are things that we can control about our future. The less time we spend dwelling on our past, the more time we have to prepare to better our future.

We are the only ones that can control our thoughts and actions. If we work on controlling our thoughts, moving in a positive direction and stop living in the past, the future will be brighter on the other side.

Let go of the past. Learn from your experiences as you move forward in life. Don't look at your past as time wasted or energy lost. Be thankful that certain things happened because it taught you lessons that characterized you into who you are today, and who you will eventually become tomorrow.

Somewhere along the way, we seemed to have forgotten about our morals. Some people say they were never brought up on morals and that is why they do not enforce them. Others say they simply do not have time for morals.

Wait. How do you not have time for morals? It takes only a quick second to smile at a complete stranger, hold the door open for the person behind you or even write a quick thank you note to someone who expressed kindness towards you. Everyone has time for morals if they would actually care to take the time to have morals.

A long time ago, it was a no-brainer to send someone a thank you note for a nice dinner that was served to them, a generous and thoughtful gift that someone gave to them, or for just being a friend that listened. Nowadays, everyone claims that they simply do not have time to write a thank you note.

If you think about it, does it really take that long to write a thank you note? You write thank you and maybe two more sentences, sign your name, address and seal the envelope, stamp it and it's off. I bet it will take you no more than five minutes to write one, if that. I understand we are all busy these days with family, work, school, activities, etc., but isn't five minutes worth more than your five-minute wait at the local coffee shop, if it brightens someone else's day or lets them know someone out there really appreciates them as a person?

Morals are very simple to incorporate in our everyday, fast-paced, overwhelming lives. For example, when you walk by someone at the grocery store, just looking at the person and saying "hi" is not going to mess up your schedule. You have no idea that something so small to you could mean so much to that person. They could be having hard times and be struggling with finances, health or family issues, and when you took the time to look up at them and just say "hi," that may not be able to make their problems go away, but it may possibly give them a little hope of a better tomorrow. It's the little things that we can do that can add up to the big things.

Right now, everybody is struggling in some way or another either with family, work, finances, school, health ... the list goes on. We focus too much on what we don't have or what we are struggling with, and totally neglect what we do have. We may be tight on finances or in a little debt, but we are blessed with people. Blessed for our families, our friends, our neighbors ... we should be thankful for what we have and stop spending so much time on what we don't have. All the time we are spending on what we don't have, we are missing out on what's right in front of us that we do have.

Life is short - enjoy the people you care about and that are around you, for one day they may not always be there. For the people you don't know, meet them. Start new friendships, help neighbors out, show gratitude towards another human being, respect one another. Live your life to the fullest and share your life with all the great people around you.

Every human being has a responsibility to have morals. If you were never taught morals, then go research them or learn about them. If you have weaknesses in certain areas of your moral compass then work on improving them. Don't just go on throughout life making excuses for your actions, claiming it was because you were never taught morals - how to treat others kindly, respectfully or graciously.

It is time to bring the morals back! They have been gone for too long. If you lack them, then go get them.

I am sure that some of you probably notice this isn't how I normally do my columns, I thought I would change it up a bit. Lately, I have been receiving e-mails from people who are being cheated. I have received so many that I found it important to dedicate a full column to this subject.

It fascinates me, when two people are in a relationship, how truly selfish certain people can be. When you are in a relationship, it is a 50/50 situation at all times. But in all reality, there are so many of us out there that either seem to be doing all the work in a relationship or are getting zero say in all matters, including feelings, decisions, finances and even voicing opinions. No wonder they say that nowadays everyone seems to lose their identity when they are in a relationship. It shouldn't have to be that way.

Relationships are all about compromising, working together, sharing love, working towards euphoria of happiness that each partner can enjoy just as equally as the other. They are not always easy, and everyday it requires some work from each person. So it upsets me to see all these wonderful people out there getting emotionally let down or hurt throughout the duration of a relationship, and even at the final stage that we all dread; the breakup.

It is not only common courtesy but even an unwritten obvious rule that if you stop loving someone, or don't want to be with someone anymore, have the respect to end things properly with the other person. I mean come on ... you most likely loved that person at one point or another and just because you may not love them anymore, does not give you the right to treat them like trash. If you do not want to be with someone then tell them. Be straightforward and honest and perhaps you may even be able to save a partial friendship from that point. In some cases you can save the friendship, but in other cases you may not be able to. That is the risk one takes when entering into a relationship.

For those of you that do not want to follow the common courtesy unwritten rule, here is a piece of advice. Cheating on someone or having someone else lined up on the side "in case" you break up is beyond cowardly and selfish. By doing that you show that you have no consideration for other people and that you do not belong in a relationship. If you have a wandering eye and cannot be committed to someone in a respectful way then just stay single. Do everyone a favor and stop hurting people and wasting everyone's time. You are going to hurt the person's feelings either way when you break up, especially if they did not see the break up coming. The least you can do is give the other person proper closure as to end it in a respectful way without haven cheated on the other person or say "there is someone else."

When you cheat on someone, you show your true character. You show that you are selfish and inconsiderate of other people's feelings. I also think that you have some issues with yourself that you need to work out that have to do with insecurity, and by cheating you are irresponsible and do not belong in relationships.

For all those out there who have been cheated on, there is nothing wrong with you so stop thinking that way. All of you that have written in seem like wonderful, good people and, one day, you will find someone great who will treat you with so much respect and love as you will to them. Just be patient for it will come and the more you wait, the more you will appreciate the other person when they do come. As for your exes who have cheated ... no worries because karma always comes back around.

Dear Mikey,

I wrote in last month about the conflict I had with my girlfriend and how she cheated on me and lied to me, but I couldn't break up with her when I knew I should have.

Well, I actually finally got the courage to break up with her three weeks ago. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I was very sad the first day, and then did well for the next week. But then I got sad again and have been having trouble ever since.

I broke it off with her and it didn't even seem like she cared at first. As the weeks have been going by though, she is starting to act like we are still together. She keeps calling me, texting me and talking about our future. When I wanted to have a future with her when we were dating she had no interest, and now that we are broken up she is interested.

I don't get it, and now it's more frustrating than when we were actually dating. Now what do I do?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I admire your strength of breaking the relationship off. You described that you were with her for a few years so I know how hard that must have been for you.

Although it may seem really difficult to be dealing with this now, I promise you that things will get better.

Usually when people break up officially, they enter what we call the break-up phase. This is the phase where, although you guys are officially broken up, you both are trying to let each other go. In your case, however, it seems like the girl isn't trying to let you go, let alone does she even know what she wants?

If she keeps on calling you and texting you she could be doing that for a number of reasons. One reason could be that it hasn't sunk in yet for her to realize that you guys are actually broken up. Another reason could be that whatever things she is doing on the side, if any, she could be using you as her base, her comfort zone. She knows that you will always be there for her because she knows how much you love and care for her. So whenever it's convenient for her she will come back to you because you will be there for her every time, any time.

It also all depends on what she is really doing. In your last letter, you wrote how she was cheating and lying to you. So right now, she could be seeing you and seeing somebody else as well. In all honesty, she just seems like she really does not know what she wants.

Sometimes, during the break up phase, both parties will act as how they were when they were together. This could be because they are just used to acting a certain way for a long period of time to where it's a habit.

In other cases, like in your case, she could just be dragging you on for the ride. She might expect you to wait around for her while she is trying to figure out what she wants. And that is not fair to you.

You have been through a lot already, and I am so sorry that this situation may seem never-ending to you. But I promise you are closer to the end than you think.

In some cases, you might just have to cut the person off. If you stop answering calls, stop letting her come over and stop texting her, then she will eventually get the hint to back off. It will show her that you are trying to move on with your life, and so should she.

I am sorry you are going through this, but hang in there for just a little bit longer. You are almost there!

Mikey

Dear Mikey,

I am remaining anonymous for obvious reasons on this one. I have been dating this girl now for almost four years and I love her very much. She is my first true love and I would do anything for her. I have been there for her through everything, and I see it as I have made a positive impact on her life in many ways.

For the past six months though, I caught her lying to me numerous times and she has even admitted to cheating on me not once, not twice, but three times. I know that when you are dating someone and he or she cheats on you that you should automatically cut off the relationship, however, I can't seem to do that.

I know that what she did was wrong and disrespectful, and I am not even sure if I can really trust her or if she is still lying and cheating on me, but I love her so much that I cannot find the strength to end things. Every day is like torture and I find myself secretly second guessing everything she says to me or does. I have been stressed out over this for the past six months, have trouble sleeping, hardly eat ... the list goes on.

What can I do to end all this torture?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Relationships are hard enough, but when you add cheating and lying, and not eating ... it's even more difficult.

You are right in the sense that when someone cheats on you, you are supposed to cut the relationship off due to the fact that the other person disrespected you. No one deserves to be in a relationship where someone lies, cheats and disrespects the other person. You wouldn't want someone to do it to you so you shouldn't do it to them ... this is a given rule in all relationships.

The first love is always the hardest and the one that you will never forget. I understand that you love this girl very much but it sounds like you are draining yourself from all of the stress she is causing you.

When someone truly loves you back, he or she won't cause you to be stressed out all the time due to his or her selfish actions, and cause heartache due to the fact that he or she cheated, or hurt feelings due to him or her lying to you. You shouldn't feel bad about yourself when you are in a relationship due to what the other person is doing.

I understand that you really love this girl, but look at what she is doing to you. Every time she goes out and tells you she is going somewhere, I can already tell you are second guessing if she is really going where she says she is going, right? This is a result of her having lied to you in the past. She broke the trust that you two built up in your relationship and disrespected you in the process. That, right there, shows me that she doesn't seem to care too much about your relationship. If she cared, she would not lie to you, cheat on you not once, not twice, but three times, disrespect you and cause you pain and heartache.

The fact that you are hardly eating, not sleeping well and are always second guessing what she tells you is very unhealthy. Her actions are causing you to be overwhelmed with stress that can possibly be damaging to your health.

You have to ask yourself some questions: Why am I staying with her? Is it because I invested so much time in the relationship and I don't want to start over? Do I really love her, and think that she is the only one for me? Have I been with her for so long that maybe I just grew comfortable?

You have to realize that everyone deserves a respectful relationship. When you are not in one and the person is causing you so much pain, when is enough, enough?

It already sounds like you guys have lost trust in your relationship due to her actions. Once the trust is broken it is really hard to get back.

How do you know she is not still cheating on you or lying to you? Is this girl really worth your time and stress and health caused by her carelessness?

No one can tell you to break up with her or not. It has to be your decision.

Do you want to stay with her and have the possibilities of her continuing her reckless behavior, still emotionally draining you, and you going through this torture every day?

Or do you want to end the relationship and start mending your pain so that you can continue on with your life and on the way to meeting someone who will greatly respect you and never do anything that came close to what your girlfriend is doing to you now?

The choice is yours.

I am very sorry you are going through this, but as they say, "When one door closes, another one opens." You never know what may be around the corner for you.

I hope this helps and I hope you decide to do what is best for you.

Mikey

Hey Mikey,

I have been hanging out with the same group of friends since I was in elementary school. We are now in high school and I have noticed that my friends have changed a lot since elementary school. Some of them are getting on the wrong path and doing things that I don't feel comfortable being around. They are also telling secrets behind my back and spreading rumors. I know I should probably ignore them but it's hard when you have a past with your friends you know?

What should I do?

Anonymous Student

Dear Anonymous Student,

Throughout your life you are going to go through lots of changes. While you are changing, you will notice that the people around you are changing as well. Friends that you grew up with may veer off on the wrong path or start hanging out with people that are a bad influence. That doesn't mean that you have to follow them on their path just to be with them.

Friends and people will come and go in your lifetime. Your true friends will always be there for you though. If they veer off on the wrong path and you go your way, they could come back around one day, or perhaps you may never see them again. It's hard to deal with, but throughout life you are going to lose touch with people and people are going to go their separate ways.

The neat thing about high school, and even college, is all the people you can meet. There are so many clubs, sports, organizations, etc., that you can meet new people in. I'm not saying to replace your old friends, but meeting new ones couldn't hurt either.

I am sorry that you are feeling discouraged about this. Hang in there and just remember that your true friends will always come back. The ones that aren't true will be go away and maybe that is better for you. You don't want to hang out with people that may be a bad influence on you. Hang in there and follow your path, no one else's.

Mikey

Dear Mikey,

I want to help people but I don't know how. Do you have any ideas?

I think I want to volunteer, but I don't know where to start.

Thanks.

Cheryl

Dear Cheryl,

I think that is awesome that you want to help others! Some ideas I can give you will hopefully point you in the right direction.

If you look at the city of Phoenix, Tempe or other local Web sites, they have a ton of volunteer opportunities that you can sign up for. I believe some require that you be 16 years old and others are 18.

The library has information on volunteer opportunities as well.

There is Andre House, St. Mary's, Vincent De Paul, and lots of other organizations that you could look up on the Internet.

I'm not sure exactly what you are looking for ... helping kids, adults, poverty, etc., but these organizations should help point you in the right direction.

Also clubs at school, like Key Club and National Honor Society should have some information about volunteer opportunities as well.

Good luck and I hope this helps!

Mikey

Dear Mikey:

I just have a quick, but frustrating question. I am about to graduate high school in about a month and I already know what college I am going to but I have no idea what I want to do. I have lots of interests, but I'm terrified that I am going to make the wrong decision and mess up my life.

How do I know what I really want to do with my life? Why do we have to know right this second when we start college?

As you can tell I am like really stressing about this. Please help!

Anonymous Student

Dear Anonymous Student:

You should be giving yourself some credit because, at least, you already know what school you will be going to. You're technically halfway there already. College is a big step for a student because it allows the student to pick a field that he or she will probably spend a good portion of their life studying.

There are many career paths out there for students to choose from; each that will lead students in different directions and on different paths. There are so many choices that I can understand why you are stressing so much about it. It is a very important decision.

First off, be proud of yourself that you chose a school already, and that you made a deal with yourself to continue on with your education. The payoff for all your hard work in the long run will be well worth it and you will thank yourself one day.

Hopefully, the following will reassure you a little.

In most colleges, no matter what program you are going in for your major, almost everyone has to complete general core classes first. They are general requirements that the school lists as mandatory that you must complete before you get into your "major" program. This is usually known as the associate's degree and usually takes one to two years to complete.

In other words, if you are not exactly sure what you want to do right this second, it's OK. A lot of kids go into college not knowing what their major will be, and some even change their majors throughout their college academic years, and that's OK too. The point is that you have to get your general core classes done first before you can get into your degree program. So you are looking at one to two years before you have to decide what degree you would like to work toward.

I hope you just had a sigh of relief! In the meantime, while you are getting your core classes out of the way, there are lots of resources that you can check out to see what degree is the best one for you, such as:

- Books at the library describe career pathways and their need for the future. They give all the statistics on what the salary of the career is, percentage of jobs needed in the future, education requirements, job security percentages, percentage of past and future potential job growth and more.

- Web sites on the Internet, where you can learn all about certain career pathways.

- Colleges, universities and high schools have a certain test you can take that is like your own personal survey and, depending on your answers, can help determine which best career pathway could be for you. Check with your guidance counselor about it.

- Friends, families or internships, where you might want to shadow someone for a day. For example, if you want to be a doctor, you can ask your doctor if you can shadow him one day to see what it's like to be a doctor, to see if that's what you really want to do.

There are many resources that are available to you in determining what you want your career path to be. If you are just about to graduate high school, you still have plenty of time to determine what you want your career path to be.

I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck in your future. Congratulations on your graduation, too!

Dear Mikey:

My father died four-and-a-half years ago. I miss my father and it gets harder every day as I get older.

I only have a few memories and half are in the hospital. I've tried so hard, but nobody understands me. No one even cares.

My mom doesn't understand and I want to live with my aunt and uncle.

Anonymous

Hi Anonymous:

I am truly very sorry for your loss. Losing a parent at a young age is a very hard thing to go through. You feel like nobody understands the pain that you are going through, and you feel sad a lot because you wish your father was still here.

But the thing is, Anonymous, is that your dad is looking down at you always and he will always be in your heart. I assure you that your dad is very proud of you, and wants you to lead a happy and fulfilling life.

Have you tried talking to your mom about how you feel about your dad? About living with your aunt and uncle?

The best way to let someone know how you feel inside is through communication. Sit down with your mom and tell her your true feelings. You never know, maybe she feels the same way you do, or is having a hard time coping with your dad's absence as well. Maybe, by talking to her, you both can support each other and then later discuss your living situation.

I assure you there are lots of people out there that care about you. You will always have your father and he will always care about you. No one can ever take that away from you.

In the meantime, I would talk to your mother and assure yourself that your dad is with you wherever you go each day. Your father loves you and there may be more people out there that understand you more than you think.

Dear Mikey:

How do I convince my daughter that the way she treats her nieces and nephews needs to be the same? To not unfairly show a lot of attention to some and not to others.

Carolyn

The best way for someone to learn something is through repetition and lead by example.

For instance, the next time you and your daughter are at a family event with all of the kids, treat all the kids equally and that will influence your daughter to do the same. How we learn the majority of things in our lifetime is mostly through the examples of our parents and elders. The oldest generation leads the way for the newest and the best way to do that is by example.

If you treat the kids equally at all times, chances are your daughter will pick up on that. Sometimes we as human beings need to be showed the way instead of told the way.

I hope this helps Carolyn. Good luck!